I am on a healing journey (aren’t we all?)
I believe that might be my purpose actually, if I ever needed one…
Healing is the thread that mends our broken pieces, stitching us back together into wholeness. While healing often conjures images of physical recovery, its essence runs much deeper, extending into the realms of the spirit, mind, heart, and body.
Healing is a spiritual journey where we explore the profound meaning of healing across the entire spectrum of our being.
So as part of my healing journey, for the last few years, I have been having conversations with various parts of me, some friendly, some not at all… and understanding more and more when I was only expressing a traumatic response to a situation, and when I was free…
You can read some more about that here:https://isayabelle.com/going-away-and-being-present
And slowly, slowly, giving myself permission to free myself more and more…
And finally meeting the whole of me, unrestricted, undeterred.
Bear in mind, I don’t believe I’m "there" yet…
I, as Buddha states it, strongly believe that "It's better to travel well than to arrive."
And as you know if you’ve been reading e lately… looove travelling!
To the point, Isaya, to the point…
I came to realize, very recently, that some of my healing process was blocked by a part of me.
I have been investigating the four basic Feminine Archetypes for years. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read more here: https://isayabelle.com/the-4-female-archetypes-a-discovery
And here is a short sum up if you just want to keep reading here:
During our moon cycles – both our own personal cycles, and the cosmic, lunar cycle overhead – four distinct and powerful female energy archetypes are dancing in turn on our paths. The same thing happens throughout the sun year, with each season epitomizing one the four energies.
I would like to talk to you today about the energy of the Maiden. So, I am a student of Miranda Gray who discovered, invented, conceptualized, organized, choose the word that suits you, the female menstrual cycle or the female lunar cycle. The idea is that during our menstrual cycle we have four distinct powerful feminine energy archetypes that take their turn to emerge. And this dance of the four Archetypes is found both in our personal menstrual cycle, in our own lunar cycle, but also in that of the actual Moon.
And, of course, on a larger scale throughout the solar year, with each season embodying one of the four energies. These four energies, these four Archetypes they are the Energy of the Maiden, linked with the pre-ovulation phase, the waxing moon and the spring, the Energy of the Mother which is linked with the ovulation phase, the full moon and the summer, the Energy of the Enchantress, related with the post-ovulation phase, the fall and the waning moon. And finally, the Energy of the Crone, of the wise old woman which is linked with the bleeding phase, the dark moon and with winter, of course.
Now … I have loved dancing with these four ladies all through my life, acting with the joyful and dynamic Maiden, creating and sharing with the nurturing Mother, exploring and daring with the magic Enchantress, resting and dreaming with the wise Crone, all along my cycles and the ever changing seasons.
A few weeks back, I was told, very matter-of-factly: you are now in full menopause, your ovaries have shrunk.
I ignored it.
My mind took it into consideration and filed it as "done".
My gut, heart and soul just ignored the message.
Later, I am in a session with an amazing mentor of mine and she pulls a card of me: Princess of Cups, Princess of Emotions…
And I’m being asked… Did you process the emotional part of it?
I hadn’t.
Not even close.
What being in menopause means, on an emotional and spiritual level, is that the Maiden, the lovely part of me that is young and fresh and strong and full of years to come… is dead, shrunk to nothingness.
What being in menopause means, on an emotional and spiritual level, is that the Mother, the caring part of me that is generous and fertile and full of possibles chances... is dead, shrunk to nothingness.
There is no denying that.
There is no way around it.
No, I am not being melodramatic. I am being realistic.
Being fully in menopause means that I am in another phase altogether.
I realize, as I’m writing these words, that this still hasn't completely sunk in.
The Maiden in me is resisting.
She rears up like a wild horse refusing to be tamed.
The Mother in me is resisting.
She clings, suffocates children and hoards creations to avoid feeling useless.
Both of them do not want to let go.
They want to be the ones still in control, still at the steering wheel.
Truth is… they’re not.
Either of them.
So they push and they pull and they pout and they push the whole of us into nostalgia.
Ah, the good old times of youth and fertility!
Ah, the precious old times of pheromones and breastfeeding!
Ah, the treasured times of seemingly infinite futures and limitless choices!
I remember going to my high school to fetch my diploma certificate, and holding that precious piece of paper, feeling like I was on top of the world, Titanic DiCaprio style, that I could literally do and be anything and anyone…
Long gone are these days as so many choices have been made and so many paths have been walked…
And yes, Maiden and Mother in me are mourning.
Mourning their glory days.
And they are keeping the whole of us down.
Enough.
It stops today.
It’s my time now to allow the other two, the Enchantress and the Crone, to rule my world and make the decisions, to dream the next phases and walk the path.
It’s time to let the Maiden go altogether… to let her go where she now belongs, in the sweet memories of the past.
Because her regrets and recriminations are not serving the whole of us any more.
It’s time to put the Mother back in her place … to let her be a mere passenger of our life, as she slowly looses her first responder status.
Because her laments and guilt trips are not serving the whole of us any more.
The past where they dwell is a place of powerlessness and impairment.
Taking stock of Menopause is letting go.
Letting go of dreams did not happen, and cannot happen any more.
Letting go of dreams that don’t fit me any more, but that I still hope would fit because I loved them so much…
Letting go of dreams that brought me hope in a better future… that is now past.
Making peace with Menopause is like bereavement.
I feel I’ve entered a zone that I don’t know where and when it ends.
I feel I’ve died and am in the process of being reborn a new person.
I feel like I’m both the dead one and the newborn one.
Embracing Menopause is making space for the Enchantress and mostly for the Crone to rule my world, to dream new dreams, to find a new pace, to walk a new path.
And I was not prepared.
Not that I think anyone could be.
In the last years, I’ve talked about menopause a lot. You might want to read more here for instance: https://isayabelle.com/the-toomuch-womans-tale-of-menopause
I thought I was at peace.
"Insert chuckle"
Even my sweet body, with her sporadic bleeding and absence of "typical" menopause "symptoms" was showing me how much resistance those two were putting up.
And I ignored it.
I was almost proud to still be bleeding.
"Oh my, Isaya…"
Time to mourn.
Again.
Until it’s not any more.
Time for gratitude.
For the Maiden and her dynamic strength, always living inside of me.
For the Mother and her caring fecundity, always living inside of me.
For the Enchantress, driving the car of our life now and kicking ass!
For the Crone, sitting shotgun and giving us navigational instructions!
They all live in me.
Time to change who’s in charge!
And I’m off to do some rituals to ground, confirm and anchor the new state of affairs!
So much for today …
I would be so happy to hear from you about all that. Thank you in advance for your comment.
See you soon, for my next online adventures!
Until then I send you love, light and gratitude.
Isaya
PS: Fancy some help along you path?
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