Seasons of shock, stress, grief and deep healing

The TooMuch Woman lives through Covid ...

February 2020

I am in Greece, visiting my mum. We hear about covid-19 and laugh at the situation, hoping I can get safely back to France “when it's over”. LOL

March 2020

Back home. I work as a teacher in a French high school, teaching English.

This has been my “day job” for more than 10-years, “ while I build my coaching business”.

In a matter of hours, on a Thursday evening, we learn that we will be in full lock-down from the following Monday. On the Friday, the whole school is frantically trying to get organized for a situation no one knows how to handle.

The weekend is spent inventing what is to become the “new way of teaching”.

Online, learn new softwares and platforms, creating new lessons and pushing all our skills and resources.

Monday March 17th 2020

I am exhausted.

Online teaching begins.

All systems crash.

There is no infrastructure ready to accommodate 12 million students and 1 million teachers.

I stress, learn, organize, find alternative solutions and improvise.

We get by. I find ways to make the experience bearable and even fun for the students. Those that can attend my online classes. Many are lost in tech problems, family tensions or just sheer abandonment.

I gaze into the abyss of social disparities.

March to June 2020

This situation will last 3 months for me. I will end up not going back to school before June 16th. In the meantime ... So much new awareness. 

Slowly, in the middle of the pressure of online teaching, alternating with the void of no social interaction, whether with my students, my peers, my friends or my extended family…  I come to understand that something is wrong in my life.

Something needs to change. Something major.

In the loneliness and the emptiness of daily routines, something appears…

I have been hiding and dimming out my light for years, for fear of overpowering the men in my life, both my dad and my husband.

June 2020

I make a decision to quit my job.

The disappointment at the way the crisis is handled, together with the fatigue of fighting the establishment just to be able to do my job properly, have led me to take a chance, to leap in faith and jump off that “‘airplane” without much of a parachute.

I am now a full-time entrepreneur. I feel thrilled. And terrified.

July 9th 2020

My father dies brutally. My world is shattered. In some sort of “lucky” twist, he managed to come back to France to live his last days and I had a chance to see him one last time and say goodbye.

I plunge into grief. Put my life and business on hold.

August to September 2020

The travel restrictions being lifted, I get to travel to Greece, to help my step mum with the formalities, and visit my dad's house one last time.

I also get to spend a month with my mum, in a beach house lent by my aunt.

Rest. Deep healing. Still no business activity.

October 2020 to January 2021

Back home. I relaunch my business.

Again we are in full lock-down.

Again my young adult sons are sent back to mama when they were dreaming of starting their independent life. And my job as a mum is full on again.

Again I go up and down the emotional roller-coaster.

I plan my 2021, the year of rebirth, the year of healing, the year of starting over.

I change my name to one that will help me fly.

February 2021

I launch my first group program.

I make a decision to get supported and start working with a coach.

I move into radical personal responsibility.

I reconnect with the Greek Goddesses, my old time friends, for comfort, inspiration and assistance.

I reunite with my body, and make peace with it.

I walk my path of healing one day at a time.

I choose love.

I choose me.

A grieving little girl, a concerned mother, a dedicated daughter, a caring wife, an ambitious entrepreneur, a careful housewife, a present friend, a woman.

March to May 2021

Seems like forever without singing with others, forever without a spa or a massage, forever without singing in a mic, forever without a trip, forever without a nice meal in a restaurant, forever without an espresso or a women's retreat.

And don't get me wrong, I am grateful. I am one of the lucky ones. I live in the countryside in an isolated huge house. I work from home.

I have access to nature and I have indoors and outdoors space, I have never felt like a prisoner.

I have access to all the luxuries, internet, online groups and friends, Spotify, Netflix and the like, good and abundant food, heat and clean water …

I am lucky. I am safe. So are my loved ones. Nobody close to me died from covid-19.

I got my two vaccine shots and the side effects were no biggie compared to the disease.

I am grateful.

Always.

For life.

For me.

For these seasons of shock, stress, grief, deep healing.

And of so many lessons.

Still …

I talk to my mum on the phone often, and we discuss the next time we get to laugh at the situation” when it's over”.

And hug.

I wrote the above text last June .. and already it's "dated", old, outgrown ... Let me add some to it to bring you up to speed...

July 2021

My mother in law dies. Albeit expected, it still is another blow. She was from the same village as my father.

I'm sad. Again. All over.

I spend July and August in grief again and sorting out stuff around her death.

August 25th 2021

I manage to get my ass back in Greece and hug my mum. And my aunts. And my uncle. Relief. I also reconnect with a very old friend. Lovely.

September 2021

I spend a month in a house by the sea (yes, again !), swim everyday, get some vitamin sea in my system, rest (yes, again !), get some work done 'with a view!) and stay as clear as possible from the noise of Covid.

That noise has been the most difficult thing for me to deal with ... The arguments, the TV news, the demonstrations, the new vocabulary, the new rules, friends disagreeing and fighting, images of the death and dying, TV shows being high-jacked by the subject ...

I have, until now, managed to stay as far as possible from that noise, which is toxic for me. I am staying safe and doing my best to not put anyone else at risk and follow the rules (sooo many rules!).

But I do not need to be swimming in the toxic negativity of the TV or of the quarrels around me.

It does no one any good.

Not me for sure.

And no one else.

So ... I raise my boundaries and remain in my positive bubble, spreading that optimism and joy as far as I can.

And still.

My main feeling is gratefulness.

Always.

And reaching for the joy. Everywhere.

Let's see what comes next, shall we ?

And here's hopping we can soon leave al that behind and open up a new era for humanity...

I would be so happy to hear from you about all that. Thank you in advance for your comment.
So much for today ...
See you soon, for my next online adventures!
Until then I send you love, light and gratitude.
Isaya

In case you're interested, this text has a soundtrack… The song is called “Seasons of love” from the Rent musical OST (watch the video below)

PS: How about you ?
Are you ready to open up to new ideas and possibilities, ready to trust and leap into full empowerment ?
Have you decided you’re done with living in fear and want to speak up ?
I’m here to help you increase your self-respect, embrace your self-esteem and self-love, expand beyond your wildest dreams, stretch your comfort zone, find your purpose and prosper, finally ask to be paid for your talents, skills and work, in order to fully express the visionary, caring, compassionate TooMuch woman that you already are.

If you know you’re a TooMuch Woman and are finally willing to embrace that,
If you’re done living in fear and are eager to become the Creatrix of your best life,
If you willing to embrace absolute self-love and stop betraying yourself every chance you get,
If you're finally ready to invest in yourself … and to back yourself up ! 

Book a free Dare to Shine discovery call and let’s see if we are a fit for coaching to unleash your inner Goddess!

https://bookme.name/isayabelle/lite/30-minutes-free-discovery-call