OMGoddess I’m a work in progress…

For a few weeks I have been in an emotional whirlwind about life, death, business, health and the whole shebang (read more about it here: https://isayabelle.com/is-it-mine-to-carry and here: https://isayabelle.com/the-best-laid-plans)

Last night I had VERY good news.
Although I’m still experiencing some heath issues, I have now been reassured that it’s nothing major and that the big bad cancer wolf is nowhere to be seen in my body.
Phew.
Relief.
Such a sweet feeling, isn’t it?

"OK, what's next?" goes my brain immediately…
Swiftly trying to jump to the next phase of life, the next plan, the next solution…
In that moment, I had an epiphany…
I heard a voice (OMGoddess Isaya, are serious with the voices, again? … yes I am, sorry)
I heard a voice that said … breathe.
And I chose to listen.
To take a breath.
A big one.
And understand that it was not "over". That unexpected shit can happen, any day, good unexpected or bad unexpected.
And that though I was alive and not in any life threatening situation… The message here was clear, the lesson here for me was unmistakable.
Stop taking it for granted.
Allow for time and healing to occur.
Put myself first.
So yes… I will have to put my health and my self-care first for the next few months.
Relief is not the end of the healing process, just the beginning!

On other areas too, the Universe was lecturing me… big time!
As stated in a previous article, all my best laid plans have been crumbling… not only on the health aspect...
I had a very organized plan for a 2 months long travel this spring. It included at least 10 different legs and plans. At this minute, ALL have been cancelled or will have to be rescheduled or organized differently.
Last week, on the same day, THREE plans were cancelled completely or moved around…
And, weirdly enough, what came to mind was this Zen saying: Nothing is left you but to have a good laugh.
And I did. I laughed with the frightened part of me, the part that was scared everyone was dying, all my plans would be cancelled and nothing was ever going to be good again.
This part of me is a drama queen as you see.
I earnestly laughed with and at myself.
And let it happen.
Make no moves.
Allow for the time to find it amusing and realize that it was funny, especially as I felt the situation was at first upsetting.
And breathe.
It is really hard for me NOT to try and fix things immediately. I’m a solution finder, and a proud one at that.
I am learning these days, learning hard (thank you Universe!) that sometimes (often? Always?), it is best to make no moves.
To laugh.
And wait.
Wait for the right time.
Wait until I know what move is right for me and everyone involved.
So I do.
I’m still in the very uncomfortable place of waiting for the answers… on so many issues that it really is laughable.
And learning to trust. Trusting myself to know what feels right and do it. No more, no less.
Trusting my gut, my inner compass, the one that sometimes is silent or discreet… so I need to listen closer and shut up and stop moving until I get clarity.
I’m learning to do just that.
Yet the discomfort is real.
So is the laughter though.
And that is another lesson of these last few weeks.
I can be sad, oh so sad… and joyous.
Both.
We all can. Because we are divine. We are big enough to hold it all, to express it all. We are the Universe. Each and everyone of us.
It’s not about judging ourselves or choosing which emotion is "best" and make all else disappear.
It’s about allowing ALL of it. At once. All the time.
Warts and all. Really. Authentically. No cheating.
Well it’s a challenge, I’m telling you. And really a work in progress...

Now back to that Zen saying…
When looking it up I found out that I had been truncating it…
The actual saying is "When you attain satori, nothing is left you but to have a good laugh."
For your information, satori means sudden enlightenment and a state of consciousness attained by intuitive illumination representing the spiritual goal of Zen Buddhism.
(and please, be sure that in no way am I pretending to have reached satori… now THAT would be laughable!)
So the message is slightly different that I understood at first.
It’s really not about when there is nothing left to do but laugh… As in laughter is a last resort when all shit hits the fan.
Quite the opposite mind you.
When enlightenment is attained, say the Buddhists… that is when you laugh.
At yourself I’m guessing.
Or at the beauty of life.
Or maybe life's just funny.
Actually let me rephrase that.
Life is just funny.
And beautiful, and tragic, and happy and sad… All at once, as stated previously!
Sometimes I start laughing or smiling for no reason and I can never put my finger on just what it is.
And I believe that actually, this is it.
It doesn’t matter.
It really doesn’t matter WHAT is funny.
What matters is that I can give myself permission to feel it all, to express it all, to share it all with the world…
And sometimes that "all" is nothing or nothing much…
Like today.
No big revelation, no big event to share with you…
Just life.
Beautiful, invaluable, ever evolving, fragile, precarious and volatile life.
Isn't that huge already that we are alive, me to write this and you to read it?
Isn’t that enough?
Shouldn’t that be enough to make us laugh and smile and dance with joy?

So much for today ...
I would be so happy to hear from you about all that.
Thank you in advance for your comment.
See you soon, for my next adventures!
Until then I send you love, light and gratitude.
Isaya

PS:
If you now understand that you have been coding for crap, and you want to move on,
If you’re done living in fear and are eager to begin Living a Goddess Life TODAY,
If you have had enough of letting the world police you and push you to fit in,
If you know you desire to align with the Goddess in you,
If you feel you need assistance to let go of your past and fully step into your present and glorious future,
If you’re ready to rewrite your story for one where happiness is a daily given,
If you’re ready to move from letting yourself down into radical responsibility towards yourself,
If you’re willing to stop betraying yourself every chance you get and embrace absolute self-love,
If you're finally ready to make your well-being a priority, put yourself first, invest in yourself … and back yourself up !
Book a free Dare to Shine discovery call and let’s see if we are a fit for coaching to unleash your inner Goddess! https://bookme.name/isayabelle/lite/30-minutes-free-discovery-call