“The 3rd Alternative transcends traditional solutions to conflict by forging a path toward a third option, a 3rd Alternative that moves beyond your way or my way to a higher and better way—one that allows both parties to emerge from debate or even heated conflict in a far better place than either had envisioned.”
Stephen Covey
The other day I had an idea I was very happy about … and it so happens that it wasn't a totally original idea, as you can see in the quote above … But nonetheless, I believe that my take on this is interesting and addresses more than exterior conflict situations so I'll tell you about it anyway …
When a situation in life feels like either/or, A or B, black or white, and both seem like bad choices and we are stuck in this position... I usually advise my clients that it's neither…
Because we are all here to visit Duality of this life experience …
We are incarnates of souls playing…
We are experiencing being in a body, living this limited life, this truncated adventure of incarnation…
And to feel the discomfort, the pain, the frustration... to live the Duality...
And it's always, always an illusion.
Always a belief, a little movie we play in our crazy minds about the difficulty, the limitations, the impossibilities…
Deep down if you listen, you know.
You know you are a Soul.
First and foremost.
A limitless being of light and love.
That might be why you feel TooMuch from time to time.
You are so much more than your human incarnation.
You are a Goddess. Like me.
That may be why you don't “fit” in your body, why you feel too big, why you overflow your restricted reality…
And why you feel, like me, that there is more.
And there is.
So.
Much.
More.
And all of this more... is contained in you.
Because you are a limitless Soul, a Goddess in disguise.
And every time we try to contain ourselves, to restrain ourselves to the narrow reality, to the so-called real world... the Souls in us cries and suffers and screams at us to remember…
Remember who we are…
And why we came here in the first place.
Because that’s it.
We came here for the experience.
For witnessing Duality.
For the contrast.
The one that helps us understand deep in our bones and hearts, how much blessed we are, how much power we hold, how much joy and love we can taste and share and spread.
So back to my initial statement.
When is either or... it's usually neither.
When we are stuck in a dilemma (and the word comes from Latin and means dual)W, when we feel the choice is impossible to make...
It's usually true.
The choice IS impossible to make.
From the human point of view.
We need to move back, to see the bigger picture from a distance, from our Soul perspective, from our Goddess self, from our TooMuch Woman’s eyes.
We need to see that the alternative ( another Latin word which means”either of two” is a lure, an illusion and a trap.
There is more.
Always more than meets the human eye.
That is why we are equipped with a third eye, with Goddess eyesight …
So let me find an example for you to make myself clearer.
In 2017, my husband became very ill.
He was in a coma for a month and in hospital for five. Most of it was of his own doing.
I had a huge realization that I had been both blind to his mental health issues and alcoholism and had acted as an enabler.
I was devastated and shocked.
I froze for a while and then I was adamant I wanted to divorce and we should sell the house.
The house where we've been living for 20 years, which is truly awesome, which is also the house my kids love and consider their Haven.
But I was convinced it wasn't a choice. I needed it to be separated and needed to sell the house to do so.
I couldn't see past the duality:
- married couple live in one house
or
- divorced couple each have their own house
It took my son begging for us not to sell the house ASAP and some time to pass, until I came to the huge realization that there might be a third solution, or a fourth or a fifth one for that sake ..
What creative third solution did we implement, you ask?
Well…
We are still married.
We are not a romantic couple anymore though we are in a friendly partnership.
We share some meals, a bank account and some time together.
And a house.
We share the house.
For the most part, we live on separate floors.
We don't share a bed, we don't share life choices or professional projects, we don't share emotional issues and we are not interlocked like we used to be.
I'm okay with that. As a matter of fact I choose that.
I'm okay with not living alone in a small flat. And the pandemic came to prove me so right …
I believe my Goddess intuition was at play when I said no to divorce and selling the house in 2019 after all …
Because living here, in this huge house (1000m2) in the middle of the countryside with no neighbors and only nature around, has proved such a blessing during the pandemic.
I'm okay with not being involved emotionally with my husband's choices anymore. Because I strongly disagree with some of them, and we are highly misaligned energetically. And yet I'm okay with sharing my daily life with an old friend, someone who knows me and cares for me, Who was and still is a support in some peculiar and crucial ways.
I'm okay with owning this house together and for the house to be a sanctuary for the both of us ( and yet as soon as we are allowed again I will be traveling the world alone !) but also for our grown-up children and their friends !
Anyway you see my point.
We created a third solution.
One that is good for all involved.
One that is not trapped in Duality.
So I am asking you…
Where do you lock yourself up in the prison of Duality ?
Because of conventions, of social norms, of your family beliefs, of your lack of imagination for creative alternatives…
Because it might be frightening to accept we always have a “good choice”, one that fits with us, one that is personal and may be shocking for others or misunderstood.
Because then we would have to give up the victim status, the complaining belittling personality that insists we have no good solutions and are, as always, the victim of circumstances…
Oh and one last thing…
There's always another possibility, even when you don't see it or don't feel like creating it…
It's the possibility to do none, to choose nothing, to remain still and motionless.
And it might seem like a good idea.
For a while.
Until you come up with YOUR solution.
But beware of the stationary position.
Because you might find yourself still there in a year, or two …
And remember, we came here for the experience, for the living.
Not for the death-like, motionless, falsely secure stability.
Life is movement, life is change, that is the only permanence … each cell of our bodies is recreated from scratch every three months... Nothing is stable, nothing alive is permanent.
And that is exactly the fun we came here to experience.
But still... no choice is always the third choice !
I invite you nonetheless to find another one, a fourth one, a fun, joyful, see the bigger picture choice.
And it can be a tiny decision ... once we agree to get out of the a A/B option and start opening ourselves to something new, to something different, even a tiny choice, a tiny decision will create a shift.
Like Persephone eating seven pomegranate seeds in the Underworld, thus triggering a chain of events that made Her Queen and wife to Hades, every tiny decision, every tiny step we take to get out of the stuck Duality of two bad possibilities will open up massive opportunities for growth, change and more love, joy and abundance in our lives.
So again I ask... where are you stuck between A or B ?
How can you open up to seeing and creating more choices ?
If you need help navigating the choices and creating more possibilities for your life,
If you’ve got the courage to dive deep into your limiting beliefs,
I’m offering a unique way to transform your life and experience peace, wealth, freedom and safety !
If you’re ready to open up to new ideas and possibilities, ready to trust and leap into full empowerment,
If you're finally ready to make your well-being a priority, put yourself first, invest in yourself … and back yourself up !
Please reach out for a free 30 minutes discovery call and let’s see if we are a fit for coaching to unleash your inner Goddess! https://bookme.name/isayabelle/lite/30-minutes-free-discovery-call
So much for today …
I would be so happy to hear from you about all that. Thank you in advance for your comment.
See you soon, for my next online adventures!
Until then I send you love, light and gratitude.
Isaya
#theinspiringisaya
#isayaistoomuch
#magicopragmaticcoach
#goddessteacher
#positivegoddesslife
#isayasinspiringevenings
This is exactly what I needed right now. I had to make a choice and my instinct was veering me towards something that reason didn’t like. But I’m still following my instinct because it’s the option that feels right. Thank you for that post.