Two weeks ago I wrote about a life changing experience I had while working with Tracey Kissoon (read more here: https://isayabelle.com/going-away-and-being-present). Actually it was even more life changing than I thought t was going to be.
Last week I wrote about a Wild Soul Woman© retreat with Mary Reynolds Thompson (read more here: https://isayabelle.com/desert-calling). Actually this too was more life changing than I thought t was going to be.
After spending some time in my personal "desert" (and don’t get me wrong I know I need more) … I now feel like I’m the forest, meeting Forest Woman, one of the five Earth Archetypes of the Wild Soul Woman© by Mary Reynolds Thompson.Enter your text here...
For various "reasons" I have been forced to stop, rest, reassess pretty much everything in my life and business.
And take it slow.
Being faced with some of the things that I am less than proud to have done.
Being faced with my shadows. Big time.
Including the belief that I am blameless and innocent, a poor victim of circumstances.
Facing that I can be the bad guy sometimes.
And simply own it.
Feel the guilt, the shame… and then forgive myself. And let it go. Let it recycle in the forest. Not done yet, working on it.
I’m also coming to understand that this is not killing me, this is not "the end of everything", that having done some misguided mistakes does not make me an evil person altogether, that it does not cancel everything good I’ve done in my life.
That even if I feel like I’ve been exposed as the impostor/bad guy that I am… I am still standing.
And the good that I did/do still stands too.
That nothing is black or white, that duality is a bunch of carp.
And reminding me that feeling innocent and entitled about it … is doing me no favors.
Just like every one else, I am light and shadow, I am good and evil.
Imperfect as fuck.
My body also was adamant that it needed rest.
I literally started bleeding.
Yes, from my uterus (bear in mind I haven’t for almost two years and I’m pretty sure I "should" be in menopause by now! … Read more about that here: https://isayabelle.com/the-toomuch-womans-tale-of-menopause).
In the last 6 years I bled 3 times.
Every one of them has been a psychological, emotional, spiritual expression.
And every time I knew that it mainly meant letting go, release and take time to breathe with it, to sit with it, whatever the "it" was. Or is.
So, once again, I am in the dark belly of Forest Woman and am being asked to slow down and be with it. In the dark. In the forest.
I am being asked by my body to let go of the linear path.
I am being asked by my body to embrace the mystery.
And allow myself to be lost in the forest.
Just holding space for magic.
Two weeks ago, I asked Forest Woman: What is keeping me big to be small?
Her answer comes in waves of deconstructions.
Her answers are profuse and spiraled, tendrillar almost.
I am being asked to rethink everything. In all directions. All at once.
And to not think. Just feel and accept.
To let go of the unaligned, in the forest, to be recycled.
I don’t see that I have a choice here.
So I’m doing it.
Right now. For as long as it takes.
And to be honest it is kind of ruining my grand UK trip…
So much of my joy seems to be unreachable at the moment.
I even have trouble writing… Like the words are not available to me either.
Still I’m sure that light reaches in even in the darkest forests.
It’s just about patience.
I’m leaving Bath for Glastonbury tomorrow…
I’m pretty sure some of what’s happening is also linked to visiting Avalon.
This is part of the message I got from the AirBnB lady I’m staying at…
"I hope you are excited for your stay in a few days time.
You may have visited Avalon before, or other sacred sites, and know that it is an area of high energy and also known as the Heart Charka of the planet! The energy can feel intense when you first arrive, and so here are some tips for a restful sleep:-
- Make an intention for yourself if you would like anything to be revealed to you during your powerful dream time."
Well. My intention is to start moving outside of this forest and see daylight again.
My intention is to find a new path that is joyful and light again.
My intention is to learn the lessons that I need to learn and understand what I need to understand… and then move on.
Really weird article isn’t it?
A little dark.
Just like me at the moment.
Let me finish with some of the words I wrote around Forest Woman with Mary Reynolds Thompson.
Forest Woman in me knows I am complete
Forest Woman in me knows I am all I need.
Forest Woman in me knows I’ve got all the answers.
Forest Woman in me knows I am resourceful.
Forest Woman in me knows I am creative.
Forest Woman in me knows I m intuitive
Forest Woman in me knows I am capable.
Forest Woman in me knows I am worthy.
Forest Woman in me knows I am supported.
Forest Woman in me knows I am loud.
Forest Woman in me knows I am safe.
Forest Woman in me knows I am my own rescue.
And thank the Goddess that She knows all that…
Cause I’m not sure I do at this minute…
After Glastonbury I’m going to London… where I’ll be when you read this.
Who knows "where" I’ll be at the end of this week…
This is me for now.
I would be so happy to hear from you about all that. Thank you in advance for your comment.
So much for today ...
See you soon, for my next online adventures!
Until then I send you love, light and gratitude.