Weeks ago, I posted in a group about the free Mastermind / support group / co-working / power hours I hold weekly.
I mentioned you can come and do whatever... marketing, meditation,hard phone calls, or cleaning your kitchen.
A lady answered with the sentence above.
And it's stuck with me. it hurt. Bad. I felt belittled and put down. Like this is my place in the universe: cleaning your kitchen… “You” are the spiritual one and I'm the cleaning lady.
Of course it's a joke. We live thousands of miles apart. and she did add lol. That makes the whole thing a joke yes? Yes … Or not. I still feel belittled and I don't find that funny… is it me lacking a sense of humour ? I believe she meant it like a joke though.
Of course it's all about me. And nothing about her. That’s why it’s so painful for me.
So I sat with it.
Asked for clues about the pain.
Asked to understand it and make good use of it for my fire.
Here's what appears.
I used to run a B&B. I was the host. I was also the cleaning lady, the cook, the laundry person, the dish washing person, the bed making person .. the “help”.
I ran it for 10 years. I was also of course in charge of the bookkeeping, the money the business itself.
But never mind that last part ... most clients were surprised, skeptical and kind of critical about my masters degree in English literature and American History, the three languages I speak fluently, my expertise in bookkeeping, my job as an English teacher, my spiritual business, my travelling past, my general knowledge and multi-passionate life.
As in “Look at that now the help knows how to read…”
At some point during the 10 years, we decided (with my husband) to open the B&B to spiritual retreats (yoga, Tai Chi and the like).
I was so excited... we were going to meet spiritual people and get to share with them, chat at the dinner table or over breakfast... I'd get to discuss with my peers.
OMGoddess was I wrong…
I was the help you see.
And both the retreat teacher and the clients only talked to me about broken light bulbs, not enough hot water or diet specialties.
They were (of course it's not all of them, but a vast majority of over the course of five years) so obnoxious and scornful, ignoring both me and my husband or openly despising us.
And I just went with it.
For the business. For the money. For the peace, the status quo.
But I knew inside that I was more than that.
I was more than the cleaner.
I was more than the help.
I was, I am and will always be a spiritual person, a channel, an artist and a leader of the new paradigm.
And a freaking amazing one.
So when this lady suggested I clean her kitchen, it all came out again.
No, I will not let this type of comments belittle me anymore.
I stand tall and do not hide anymore.
I am magic.
I am a child of the Universe
I am a starseed of the Cosmos
I am a shard of Light of the One Source
I am loved
I am love.
And I forgive the lady for her comment, send her love and gratitude for being this amazing Agent of the Universe for me, this reminder of who I am, of the need to work on my boundaries and my beliefs about myself.
And I forgive myself for allowing that to hurt me again and again, and I send myself love and gratitude for doing my best at all times and choosing a different path today.
And by the way, I do NOT consider being the help a “lesser than” position. Unless we make it so. For ourselves and others.
I’ve had a cleaning lady for years and I never ever think of her as a “lesser than” human.
I love her to bits, in fact I really admire the person she is. And chatting with her has taught me so much (story for another day).