I need to write tonight.
Cause tomorrow you’ll be expecting my newsletter… and a new blog post.
And I really, really … don’t feel like it.
So?
Will I?
Won’t I?
Two voices are talking to me in my head.
One says… Fuck it, go to bed, chill or watch a movie, forget the writing.
Nobody cares anyway ...
Can you hear, dearest reader, how I "convince" myself that what I write or don’t write, what I share with the world, or don’t share… has no value, no importance…
Argl.
My inner self talk sucks most of the time! I "need" to work on that one too!
Now the other voice says something along the lines of:
"What the hell, Isaya, you’re pretending to be a writer and then you’re discussing the way you "feel" about it? (yep, defo not talking nice to myself!)
Please remember that no professional writer waits for inspiration or waits until they "feel" it.
Writers write.
Day in, day out.
Whether it feels good or bad, they write.
Because that is the only thing that makes them a writer.
If you don’t write, you’re not a writer.
Also, writers write because that might well be the only thing that they know how to do, that they love enough to do repeatedly, day in, day out.
Whether they feel like it or not is a whole different matter…"
And I can hear you in my head too dear reader, dear compassionate, spiritual, affirmation lover, positive attitude, all about self-love reader…
What you say is something along the lines of:
Why? Why, darling Isaya (yeah, you on the other hand talk nice!), why on Earth or Heaven do you feel the need to push yourself, despite being tired, despite being rather ill (basic flu, not covid, just so you know), despite not "feeling" it?
Well that one I can answer, darling reader.
I push myself because I love myself.
I love myself enough to know that rest is not always the thing that I fundamentally need.
What I need is joy (just like everyone I believe).
And one of the places I find joy is … when I write! (among other things, granted… Things I might make a list of at some point and share with you…)
It’s actually amazing.. I started writing 15 minutes ago and I do feel better…
Also, I push myself because I want you to walk with me, day in, day out, through thick and thin, through this path of enlightenment that I chose to journey on.
I push myself because I want to bear witness.
I want you to understand that it’s not about unicorns and roses everyday.
It’s also about "not feeling it".
Loosing faith.
Exhaustion. Illness. Doubts. Feeling small. Feeling like a failure.
And then coming back home.
To joy.
Finding ever again that thing, that idea, that activity that will spark joy.
And get me back on tracks.
Back on the path to enlightenment – which by the way is just a fancy word to describe happiness imo!
So… I wrote.
Because I didn’t feel like it.
And now I feel joy again…
Of course I could have done one the other things that brings me back to joy, like singing, dancing, meditating, listening to music (which actually I am doing, as I write),reading a good book, or doing some "arting"…
Yet writing has a second advantage.
Not only does it lift me back up to joy … (yes, up, it’s all about the Hawkins Energy Vibration
Scale – if you don’t know what the heck I’m talking about… Find more info here: https://isayabelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/8-tweaks-Lead-Magnet-2022.pdf)
Not only, was I saying, does it lift me back up to joy…
It also produces a "piece of content" that I can send you guys tomorrow and keep the paths of communication between me and you open…
So you know where I walk.
And maybe you come to understand that you’re not alone.
Like I’m not alone.
Maybe we walk side by side on this path… and sometimes we need to stop, to sit on a bench and take a break form "ascending"…
And just take care of ourselves.
With some retail therapy, some silly TV, some scrolling… or some rest.
And sometimes we don’t.
Sometimes we need to not give in to our "blah" feeling…
Because that "blah" feeling might well be what is keeping us from joy.
And more.
So… I wrote.
And done.
Now to rest for real (lol!)
I hope to come back next week in a different energy, with secrets to share, news to shout and fun things to tell you!
In the meantime...
Take good care of your energy.
So much for today ...
I would be so happy to hear from you about all that.
Thank you in advance for your comment.
Until then I send you love, light and gratitude.
Isaya