Lessons from the past about choices, fruit puree, decisions and intuition
My kitchen, France, October 2003.
I'm 36 years old.
I’m the mother of two boys, one is 6yo and the other 3yo.
Lunch time …
My mum is visiting us from Greece.
I have cooked whatever (mostly veggies, I’m really obsessed at the time with healthy food for children .. I relaxed a little later on …)
We’ve finished eating.
In France, dessert is a given.
Traditional dessert is fruits or yogurts.
October means no fresh fruits and my kids are not really yogurt fans.
After putting away the dishes, I walk towards the cupboard, have a look at the possibilities …
We have a choice of at least 6 different fruit purees, both homemade (yes, I was the cooking, baking mum back then ...) and store bought (in France it’s a thing, you find them with various fruits combinations)
I take 2 different types out of the cupboard and ask my kids, each in turn:
Apple-Banana or Apple- Apricot ?
The 6yo asks for banana, the younger one too.
I put the Apricot back in the cupboard, take out another Apple-Banana and give them one each, obviously helping my 3yo with the spoon eating.
Afternoon snack (in France it’s a thing too, Kids are supposed to have a snack around 4pm)
Same scene repeats with me opening the cupboard, choosing 2 “tastes” and offering both my kids a choice …
After our evening meal (Oh , I don’t know how you want to call it, supper, dinner, tea...I’m confused!), the scene repeats again, my kids choose their puree and then proceed to eat it.
But this time, my youngest goes…
“Mum I’ve changed my mind, I want the banana and not the apricot you’ve just opened for me ”
I don’t even flinch and answer “No. You had a choice, you made a decision. Now you have to live with it. And that is your responsibility.”
Don’t really know where that came from… Anyway ...
The kids are in bed.
My mum turns to me and asks (quite judgmentally, I might add) …
“Why on Earth are you asking them their opinion ? They’re kids, just give them one puree and be done with it… You’re wasting so much time with that, and they are going to be eating all of these anyway …”
Made me think.
I did NOT decide to give them that choice every meal. Until then, I’d just done it “naturally”, unconsciously, intuitively.
I realized, when having this conversation with my mum, that I DID want to continue doing it.
That giving those tiny humans the possibility to make one choice, one decision every day (or two !), was giving them power over their lives.
So much of the life of a child is decided by parents (who know best, right?...)
And yes, I know that it’s partly true, children do not have the maturity to do ALL of their life choices (my 3yo actually vehemently insisted on going back in the water just seconds after me saving him from literally drowning …)
But the puree choice … it’s not a life altering decision, it wasn’t going to put them in any danger.
It gave them power over their circumstances.
That something into their day, they could choose.
Also… that after choosing… they WOULD get what they had asked for.
The Universe (i.e. me, at the time, I was the Universe for them, lol!) was giving them what they had asked for.
At no great cost for me (or their lives…)
This tiny gesture also contained another “lesson” for my kids … I’ll come to that …
Back to my mum…
So I explain all that … and she still is kind of ”resentful” … After a chat, we come to understand that she (and me, as a matter of fact) are still pissed for not being offered choices in our lives … Such a huge insight … We got to heal that wound together, which was another gift.
On another plane, isn't it incredible (and frankly unbearable anymore) that women are brought up to bring up their kids without ever offering them a choice (not even a tiny, unimportant one)?
We have to get to healing THAT wound as a collective, asap…
Nice story, isn't it ?
Nice lessons, too…
But wait, I’m not done.
Fast forward 17 years.
This is 2020.
My oldest son is now 23. We’”re living in the middle of a pandemic. He’s not adjusting well to his life being shattered by the restrictions. So he decides to get counseling.
And after a few months, feeling really better, he decides to stop it.
He came to me and said I want to talk.
I freak out.
OMGoddess, what have I done wrong in his upbringing that he is now going to reproach me ?
But no. He wants to thank me (wait what ?) for the fruit puree thing.
Because, he says, it gave him power and choice, etc.
But mostly, it taught him to make decisions.
And to make them FAST.
And to live with them.
To take radical responsibility for his decisions.
To be OK for them to feel wrong, and still live with them.
And to understand that decisions are not “dangerous”.
Yes, they take away some of the choices …
But that’s OK.
Because decisions were bringing him closer to his desires, to his goals.
Because decisions were the way he was creating his life, not enduring it.
First and foremost, proud mama bear here, that my son turned out to be such a great human.
That he would know when he needed help, and go and get it.
That he would “use” the help, and get better.
That he would “understand” so much of his upbringing, even the things I did intuitively, without understanding them myself.
That he would feel gratitude for that.
That he would come and express this gratitude.
But also …
So that is what I taught them.
Feeling you have choices in life, that you can create whatever life you want for yourself,
Making decisions to get moving in the direction of the life you want,
Making decisions fast and intuitively, and stopping the doubting and procrastinating,
Taking radical personal responsibility for those decisions …
That is still what I teach today.
After years of re-learning it myself, after bonding at a deep level with the Greek Goddesses Archetypes and their incredible lessons, after reconnecting to my intuition and allowing Her to sit in the driving seat so many times, that is still what I teach !
With so much joy and pride!
I'll be happy to hear from you on these few ideas. Thank you in advance for your comment.
So much for today ...
See you soon, for my next online adventures!
Until then I send you love, light and gratitude.
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What if your decisions opened the doors to joy, flow and success?
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