Lessons about sex, self-love and energy orgasms
South of France remote hamlet, August 2005
I am 38 years old.
Upon the persistent recommendation of both my therapist and some dear friends (both male and female), I make up my mind, master the courage and the money and decide to go and investigate Tantra.
Let me rewind a tiny bit and give you a “definition” of Tantra…
Tantra defines both a Hindu or Buddhist mystical or magical text, dating from the 7th century or earlier, and the
doctrines, values or practices involving mantras, meditation, sexuality, massages, breathing and ritual in order to achieve self-fulfillment and union with the divine.
Tantra dates back more than 5,000 years. In Sanskrit, the word tantra means woven together. The tantric practice is a way to “weave” the physical with the spiritual.
Sexuality is part of the development of the individual and leads to its full development by promoting the circulation of energy. Tantric sex brings together spirituality and sexuality. It isn’t about sexual pleasure, but more about celebrating your body and feeling heightened sensuality.
The practice intertwines spirituality, sexuality, and a state of mindfulness. It may be experienced alone or with a partner. The goal of tantric sex is to achieve spiritual or energetic contact during a sensual experience. This practice is slow and the aim is not always to achieve orgasm. Pleasure reaches the whole body, not just the genitals. Instead, it’s about feeling a connection either to your partner or to yourself that’s both intense and enlightened.
Tantra has a sacred dimension, reached by the fusion of the masculine and the feminine (represented, in Hindu temples, by Shakti and Shiva).
Tantra helps us unite Sexuality and Spirituality, Masculine and Feminine, Shadow and Light, Relaxation and Stimulation, Meditation and Experience.
Tantra is a catalyst for transcending duality through Love and it unifies all that is divided, creating wholeness and healing.
Tantric practice offers awareness of our fundamental unity, body and mind, in relation to the universe, at all times and in all areas of life.
This approach involves learning about our double polarity, masculine and feminine, and accepting our entire reality, with its shadows and lights.
Tantra is a way of expanding human consciousness. In the West, the word tantra has wrongly become synonymous with sexuality. The tantric vision is way vaster though, since it extends well beyond the fields of love and sexuality, apprehending in a global vision, psyche, heart and spirit, but also the universe and all its mysteries. Tantrism is perhaps the most holistic spiritual path that has ever existed. Tantra is an Art of Living that brings powerful and original tools to better know oneself and also to work on the relationship with others.
In fact, there is not a tantra but tantras.
So their “version” of tantra is imprinted with the exploration of the unconscious and psyche and of our beliefs, habits and emotional difficulties.
This way broader approach encompasses way more than sexual disorders or pleasure issues… and digs deep in order to help the participants achieve a new way of being, more intense, more serene, more true, freed from the dictatorship of the mind and aims to open students to incarnate spirituality, put Spirit in matter, in the body.
With them, I studied and practiced Tantra in single sex groups (women groups can be a such a lovely space and such a challenging experience!), as an individual in mixed-sex groups and as part of a couple in couples groups.
I have to say, if I was to be asked what is the most profound, life changing, destabilizing and meaningful experience I’ve had in my life, Tantra would be it without a doubt.
When you find yourself naked, in all senses of the term, in front of a bunch of strangers, whether same sex or opposite sex, when you’re supposed to talk about your body, about your emotions .. in that state of nakedness and rawness… It changes you.
It changed me.
4 years of nakedness…
At the beginning, I was so fully convinced that I couldn’t do it.
My first experience was a couple’s workshop that I attended with my husband. Felt safe enough, whatever was going to happen was going to happen between the two of us…
Now, I really wasn’t prepared with the shock of really feeling “energy” for the first time and experiencing an “Energy Orgasm”…
Which in case you have no clue is something like a huge wave of energy and pleasure flooding your whole body, mind and spirit for an indefinite amount of time (can last up to an hour!) and which keeps flowing up and down your spine and bringing more and more joy and expansion and love and pleasure .. It’s like a never ending roller coaster of delight, love and fulfillment … in all your body. (yes… mmmm!)
And mind you, this happened to me, out of the blue, after my husband “simply” blew some air through a silk scarf and onto my chakras … Both he and I were fully dressed, we were not having sex and we were in a middle of a room with 40 other people…
This experience opened up something in me that I longed to keep uncovering and discovering… I wanted more … So I went back ...
I first went to a single sex workshop, feeling that working with women only would feel “less dangerous” (bear in mind I am a happy heterosexual).
Oh, boy was I wrong…
There, we were asked, in the most respectful way, to undress and show our bodies to one another, while actually discussing how we felt about that body.
So many layers of shame, of difficult memories and emotional blocks were destroyed in an instant by this experience of sharing with my sisters.. and finding them openhearted, accepting and having so much resemblance to me…
In fact one characteristic of my tantric adventures was the rapidity with which things happened, walls fell and blockages were lifted…
Because when I agreed to be stripped bare, to be fully exposed, shadows and light, shame and love, guilt and joy, I could reconcile my whole self and fully be me…
Please also understand that this wasn’t a some theoretic, woo woo only, in my head stuff… Tantra is a practice, an incarnated one, that reunites parts of the self and brings together all aspects of my being, body, mind and spirit.
I want to stress how much of this was made possible because of the way the workshops were organized and facilitated… With sequences of varied practices, dance, meditation, rituals, mantra singing, sensual experimentation, group coaching, all intertwined with the beautiful setting to the hamlet the workshops took place in, the gorgeous food and time off to integrate, have fun and talk it over with fellow participants…
I also want to stress how much gratitude I have for myself who agreed to be open to that level of intimacy and vulnerability, who was OK to be exposed, warts and all for all to see, un protected by the clothes, the masks and the personas we wear in society.
I gave myself permission, no I gave myself the ”order” to get over myself and “just do it” … I wasn’t going to spend all that money and bypass the deep end of the pool, avoid the challenging parts of the experience.
If I was going to do it, I was doing it fully.
I dared myself to get all in, to leave my complexes and objections and fears at the entrance of the room … and go for it.
And I did.
So proud of me for that.
A year after I dared even more and went to a mixed-sex Tantra workshop as an individual, without my husband.
Oh and let me be clear… The ethics of the facilitators were very clear. We were asked to comply a very strict set of guidelines which included no intercourse during the sessions. These workshops were not “giant orgies”. Some people did have sex (hey! grown ups are allowed!) but never during the sessions… And anyway the workshops weren’t about that!
Back to my mixed-sex experience. Now this was the profound, life-altering one.
It changed me so deeply.
After that workshop, I could not believe my own BS anymore.
After that workshop, I could not believe my own lies and limitations anymore.
Something in me had been cracked open, never to be closed again.
Something in me was lost. Something in me was found.
I started seeing, really seeing, and feeling in my body, the magic in human beings, and my own magic.
I saw beauty in me, I saw beauty in everyone.
I was feeling the love, the universal, unconditional one. For myself. For others. For the whole planet.
And it felt freaking good to be united, whole.
To finally accept the wholeness of me, with all my flaws and amazing qualities.
And feel that deep acceptance in my body.
It also felt amazing to understand energy, the chakras and all those things that had been mere concepts until then.
It felt so good.
I felt so good.
So I went back. Again. And again.
I actually became an assistant for the facilitators and help with the organization at some point.
And along the way of the many workshops and the many encounters and the many discoveries and the many beautiful instants and the many demanding and crazy hard moments …
Along the way I found myself.
And I began loving myself truly.
I began feeling comfortable with vulnerability and nakedness, with my body and my emotions, with my shadows and my lights, with intimacy and profound honesty.
It took me 4 years of nakedness to get here.
4 years of going so far out of my comfort zone that I couldn’t even remember where it stood.
4 years of feeling the intense fear and the sheer excitement, of dreading going back and being impatient at the same time.
4 years of opening up to self love.
4 years of absolute joy.
4 years that changed me, in more ways that I can explain or even understand.
Now, let me me specify that this is not a “4 years and you’re done” experience.
I now and forever more define myself as a Tantrika.
Tantra is a practice.
A daily one.
It only changes me because I keep at it!
Everyday I remind myself to be true to myself, to be vulnerable and authentic, in my private life, in my professional life… and everywhere.
Everyday I remind myself that I am enough, that I am worthy, that I am lovable, that I am loved.
So many connections to the work I do today… Walking with women who need these reminders too, helping them shine in the online space in all their brilliance and authentic vulnerability.
Tantra is a practice, a lifestyle and a path.
One I am proud, delighted and fortunate to walk everyday.
Oh! and yes, it also brings a lot more fulfillment in the sex department!
I would be so happy to hear from you about all that. Thank you in advance for your comment.
So much for today ...
See you soon, for my next online adventures!
Until then I send you love, light and gratitude.
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