How about I tell you about one of my latest epic fail…
And how I'm convinced good stuff will come out of it
On September 2nd, while I'm in Greece, convinced by my mum who had only good intentions, I decide to consult a dermatologist who comes highly recommended.
And it might be way TMI for your eyes and ears, so walk away if you don't want to know about my health and the connection it has with the rest of my life…
I have psoriasis.
I've had it for 15 or so years.
It appeared brutally after a huge emotional shock and literally threatened my life for a while. A doctor's wrong diagnosis and prescription made my skin almost disappear and I was in danger of multiple infections.
But I managed to deal with it, and I am still here to talk about it.
So here I am covered head to toe with psoriasis .. And I'm not going to show you pics of the disease because well... TMI…
Suffice it to say, besides all the other perks of it like constant pain, itch to scratch that tears my skin and creates bleeders, danger of really annoying side effects, no treatments available yet some of the medication that make it bearable having even more dangerous side effect (30% chances of skin cancer anyone ?) …
Besides all that… Psoriasis is a very visible skin disease ( look it up on Google and find images)
And it's not pretty.
It has also been cataloged (wrongly) as a stress disease, a psycho pathological disease (i.e. you “create” it for yourself) and a “nerves” disease.
Truth is, psoriasis is an epigenetic autoimmune disease that has both genetic and environmental triggers and components (thanks dad !)
I have lived with that “condition” for years now.
I know it, I know what's “good” for it and what isn't.
I know how it impacts my visibility issues, in my life and in my business.
I know that it will flare up occasionally and I know it will almost disappear at times.
I know it's not curable.
I know there are millions of people on the planet affected.
I know there are 30% chances of it becoming a more severe form of rheumatic psoriasis and some “chances” for it to become something else, even more dangerous.
I know that, as is, it is not life-threatening ( which may well be why pharmaceutical labs and scientists do not “waste” too much time and money on the research for a cure but way more on commercializing palliative creams and lotions that will help but not cure)
I know the classic treatments ( which almost all the time have crazy side effects and or risk of cancer).
I know the fake “snake venom” remedies ( even have tried in times of desperation…)
I know the “alternative” creams and lotions and solutions ( which won't cure but will help and at least won't cause any more harm)
I know which are good for me and which aren't.
I know the cost of the disease on my self-confidence and self-esteem.
I know that my version of psoriasis is not a “harmful” one for now and I know to look for symptoms of a dangerous evolution.
I've done my research.
I've also done my trials, my experiments and tests.
I have learnt so much about my body and the disease over the years.
I haven't talked to a doctor about it for 5 years.
I had found ways to deal with it, to manage it... and accept it…
And I thought I'd made my peace with it.
Or so I thought.
I thought the knowing was my protection.
Let's come back to the present
So I meet this nice Greek lady dermatologist who actually did her thesis on psoriasis.
And she said things along the way of “ take the condition more seriously”, “ I can help you get rid of it”, “ we have new means now”, etc…
And I believed her.
I believed I could be rescued.
I believed in the miracle cure.
I believed it was a lesson for me from the big Universe around trusting that I don't need to do it all alone, that I can be helped, that there are solutions I don't know and I need to open up for that.
I believed it was an upgrade.
I was so happy and relieved.
I was ready to give the reins on the treatment of the disease to someone more competent, more qualified than me.
So much so that I didn't even read the labels on the creams she prescribed…
I religiously apply them as instructed for 10 days.
And after 5 days, I started experiencing my biggest flare up of psoriasis since 2015.
I felt like my skin was literally on fire at moments, and it aged like crazy.
It spread by 50% and counting…
For 5 more days, I kept going with the prescribed treatment, ignoring what my body was screaming to me, what I was feeling, obeying the doctor's orders, being a good girl, a complying patient.
Then the pain became too intense and I reached for help from my beloved energetic healer friends. They sent light and cool breezes my way …
It mostly helped me see that I needed to take back my power over my body, my power over the disease, and the treatment.
After a phone call with the dermatologist, who suggested more medication to relieve my symptoms, while continuing to argue for the first treatment to be perpetuated, adding that she wasn't “surprised” the fair happened...
I decided to stop.
To stop the treatment, and surely not take the antibiotics she was prescribing to “relieve” me.
I came back to my “old” way of dealing with the disease, made of natural elements and non-chemical creams.
I got my skin under control again, and started feeling better.
Swimming daily in the Mediterranean was also doing wonders.
I was on my right path again.
Fast forward 3-weeks and I'm back to my normal situation.
So why am I telling you this story and sharing way too much information ?
Where is my failure here?
I stopped listening to my body.
I stopped trusting my intuition about what is good for me.
I stopped loving myself enough to believe I can be my own rescue.
And this doesn't mean I believe we have to do everything alone.
Being my own rescue can mean asking for her, of course.
And getting advice and help from qualified professionals, mostly with health situations … is crucial.
But what happened to me there was that I relinquished my power, I handed over myself my self-knowledge, I gave away the decisions to someone else.
Although I didn't really trust her.
Although I felt something was off from day one.
Although the effects of the treatment were painful almost immediately.
I yielded everything.
And forgot myself, my intuitions, my gut feeling, my wisdom that comes from living with the disease for years, and the research I constantly do on the subject.
I gave it all away for a rescuer, a parent, or a Prince Charming (well a Princess Charming, in that case!), a saviour that would make all the bad things go away fast and magically.
The worst part? It felt good.
It felt like a relief.
Someone else was going to take care of everything (pfff... really thought I was over that!).
The place where it hit me hard was the time it took for me to “come to my senses”.
The Good Girl Archetype in me kept applying the creams, and though the effects got worse and worse, it took me days to decide to stop.
I was doing as told.
I was betraying myself, ignoring what my intuition was telling me, what my body was shouting at me.
And I know that this experience has uncovered a new layer,a new realm of healing potential.
So I find the gratitude for these two weeks of hell... the lessons learnt and the growth in my self love and self trust.
And hey, I just remembered….
This is never happening again.
Because I take full responsibility for my life, my actions, and my emotions.
I am the creator of my own reality, my rescue and my support, my salvation and my comfort.
I am magic.
I am a child of the Universe
I am a starseed of the Cosmos
I am a shard of Light of the One Source
I am loved
I am love
I am an incarnated Goddess
So much for today ...
I would be so happy to hear from you about all that.
Thank you in advance for your comment.
See you soon, for my next online adventures!
Until then I send you love, light and gratitude.
PS: oh and ...
If you know you’re a TooMuch Woman and are finally willing to embrace that,
If you now understand that you have been coding for crap, and you want to move on,
If you’re done living in fear and are eager to become the Creatrix of your best life,
If you have had enough of letting the world police you, belittle you, shame you, guilt you and push you to fit in,
If you know you desire to align with the Goddess in you, for the next evolution of your TooMuchness,
If you feel you need assistance to let go of your past and fully step into your present and glorious future,
If you’re ready to rewrite your story for one where happiness is a daily given,
If you’re ready to move from letting yourself down into radical responsibility towards yourself,
If you’re willing to stop betraying yourself every chance you get and embrace absolute self-love,
If you're finally ready to make your well-being a priority, put yourself first, invest in yourself … and back yourself up !
Book a free Dare to Shine discovery call and let’s see if we are a fit for coaching to unleash your inner Goddess! https://bookme.name/isayabelle/lite/30-minutes-free-discovery-call