Last week as I was driving ( yes driving is one of the times and places where I do a lot of my thinking) I came to realise I was always only giving myself permission to be Second Best, never actually First.
Many years ago, at school, I was among the bright ones, the successful ones … Never First though, always Second. Studying was easy, I loved school - I wasn’t among the popular ones, though! - but I was always Second Best.
It’s like I was forbidding myself to be First.
I’m an only child so it isn't that. I had no competition at home. I was First in my parents' hearts and care. Still I felt that I didn't deserve “First” Class treatment. I remember feeling self-conscious and a little ashamed to be an only child, and having “everything”, not having to share… I had a tribe of friends wherever we moved around - that happened a lot - and was always more or less the pack leader.
But I felt guilty, like I did not deserve that.
I kept wanting others to “take my place”. Which they wouldn’t.
And at times, I was also “overthrown” by a revolution of sorts where some of my besties suddenly decided I WAS too bossy or not to their liking anymore… and literally threw me out of the pack. Actually now that I come to think of it, that happened a lot to me. I gather a group of women around me, whether just for friendship or for work, women’s circles, red tents, etc. I insist we are a circle, no leader, just a gathering of equals.
I still feel I am put on a pedestal by some or all the women present. Kind of against my will. And then, out of the blue, I got ousted. Most of the time with an explanation along the lines of “you’re too bossy” … which I never wanted to be in the First palace. I feel like the others needed a leader and put me in that position … Only to throw me out later… Also most of the time, the group did not hold after my departure and the girls/women disbanded the group soon after.
Anyway, different subject… or is it?
Back to my “Second Best” thought.
Most of my life I’ve only given myself permission to go for Second Best. Like I don’t deserve to go First, to be First, to get First Class stuff, relationships, hotels, etc.
Actually when I think of First Class, what comes to mind immediately is “NOT FOR ME”.
When I was 16 I fell in love. Hard. He was tall, dark and handsome, a musician and a poet. I was plump, blond and perky. I did not feel beautiful or mysterious, I did not feel “deep” or “worthy” of him in any way. I swooned over the guy for over 3 years and I never actually gave it a shot, never actually told him.
After 3 years of loving him from afar… I decided I was done and … seduced his older brother who was … well, Second Best. Less handsome, less poetic … and who I did not fancy that much. The brother was a very nice guy altogether, he just wasn’t “him”. The brother was going to be the man I lost my virginity to - neither a memorable experience, nor a traumatic one - Second Best.
When I was a professional actress - yep, did that too - I NEVER dared to even audition for First roles - I always went for supporting roles… Second Best.
It’s like I never even gave myself permission to dream of being number One.
Like it was greedy.
Like I didn’t deserve it.
Like I wasn’t worthy.
What I find most surprising when coming to realise that… is that I do not see a “reason” for that.
I don’t remember anyone telling me I didn’t deserve or anything of the sort - rather the opposite actually- it’s like it was ingrained.
Like something that was inherent to me.
There are so many other situations where I have caught myself not going for First.
At university, I never even asked for a solo in the choir.
Applying for jobs, I always went for the position where I was over-educated or overqualified.
In my previous business, I always insisted that we charge amongst the lowest rates in the industry.
In my business, I’m undercharging, giving away my experience and skills for a fraction of what the others in my niche ask for.
Not allowing First Class.
Is it a woman thing or is it a me thing?
Not really sure.
I’m pretty sure though that other women feel this way. I’m pretty sure that less men feel this way.
I’d be interested to know what you think, how YOU feel about that.
Please leave me a comment with your experience…
Now the other thing is HOW?
How do we get out of that Second Best trap?
Well… That might include solutions from the other story I mentioned above.
What if there was no alternative but First?
What if we NEVER allowed anyone to be our First?
What if we ALWAYS put ourselves first?
When I put myself first always, then I am stating to myself and the Universe that I matter, I deserve, I am worthy to be Number One.
When I stop putting others on pedestals and giving away my power to them, naming them leaders, putting them in First position and accepting their primacy… I am First. I come First. I never have to settle for Second Best anymore.
So … What do you think?
Shall we finally surrender and grant ourselves the Leading Position in our lives?
Shall we at long last decide we are worthy and deserving or if?
Shall we stop giving away our power to others for fear of leading ourselves?
Shall we once and for all choose ourselves First?
That is the real treasure. That is where the gold lies.
The map to perfect happiness, abundance, flow and joy.
Oh, let’s do it.
I know in my heart we need it so much.
Both you and me.
If you’re done being Second Best in your life,
If you’ve had enough of playing a supporting role in YOUR movie,
If you’ve got the courage to dive deep into your limiting beliefs,
If you’re done with sacrifices and ready to set some boundaries,
If you’re willing to accept your awesomeness, acknowledge your value and give yourself permission to thrive,
I’m here to help you increase your self-respect, embrace your self-esteem and self-love, expand beyond your wildest dreams, stretch your comfort zone, find your purpose and prosper, in order to fully express the visionary, caring, compassionate woman that you already are.
Just book yourself in for a Free 15 min Flashlight Call here: https://bookme.name/isayabelle/lite/15-minutes-flashlight-call
Reclaim your power and rise as the Goddess you are !
I would be so happy to hear from you about all that. Thank you in advance for your comment.
So much for today ...
See you soon, for my next online adventures!
Until then I send you love, light and gratitude.