Stop, Feel, Heal: A Guide to Understanding and Overcoming Trauma

I woke up very early today, as I was excited because it was the day I was going to write my weekly article.

I had no idea what I was going to write about.

I have a few ongoing themes and I thought this was going to be it.

But I stumbled upon a video by Dr Alok Konojia, also know as Dr K.

It stopped right in my tracks.

Trauma. Argl.

Of course that had to be the topic for today.

Because I’ve been in recovery post cancer surgery. And have paused a lot of things in my life.

Today the cancer thing actually feels like a culmination of traumatic events that have been happening for me for years.

And I figure it is about time for me to discuss trauma.

What it is. How it affects us. How we can get past it. Heal it if possible at all.

Let’s jump in and see if I can offer a fresh perspective—one that might prove useful for both of us.

The term "trauma" originates from the Greek word for "wound" and is commonly defined as a psychological and emotional response to a profoundly distressing or disturbing event, such as an accident, assault, or natural disaster. Trauma only arises when the individual lacks a safe or effective way to process and cope with the event, leaving emotional and psychological wounds that may persist over time. Trauma may result from direct experiences, witnessing events, or even secondary exposure, such as hearing about a traumatic event.

The immediate reactions can include shock and denial, while long-term effects may involve unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships, and physical symptoms, which can leave a lasting impact on one’s ability to function and cope, sometimes contributing to mental health conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Trauma then also refers to the emotional and psychological wounds caused by these events events that are overwhelmingly stressful, shocking or threatening. The effects are often deeper than mere psychological ones and can become physical.

Trauma then is not only the event itself but also by its impact on the individual’s emotional and psychological framework. It can disrupt one’s ability to process emotions and plan for the future, often creating survival-oriented behavioral patterns that persist long after the event.

Now who is Dr K. and what are his theories?

Dr. Alok Kanojia, commonly known as Dr. K, is a Harvard-trained psychiatrist and a prominent expert in modern mental health. His work integrates traditional psychiatry with alternative practices like Ayurveda, yoga, and meditation. This holistic approach combines evidence-based mental health care with principles that emphasize the interconnectedness of physical and mental well-being.

Dr. K, emphasizes awareness, emotional understanding, and addressing trauma as crucial elements of healing and personal growth. He stresses the importance of self-awareness and emotional processing as foundational to healing. By recognizing and addressing emotional wounds rather than distracting oneself, suppressing them or seeking external validation, individuals can move beyond their past traumas. Emotional awareness helps dismantle patterns of avoidance or suppression created by trauma

Dr. K encourages creating environments that allow for emotional safety and reflection, ultimately teaching one’s self emotional regulation. This includes exploring emotions and learning to process them in real time, which can foster healthier motivation and relationships.

Borrowing from spiritual concepts, Dr. K advocates for "mukthi," or liberation, achieved through detachment from external goals and validation. He emphasizes the value of stillness and self-acceptance as a means to heal and reconnect with one’s true self

These approaches collectively aim to rebuild a sense of identity and purpose while freeing individuals from cycles of trauma-driven behavior.

Of course Dr K. is not the only only to recommand awareness. I recently participated in an an amazing five day experience called Breathe Your Abundance with the amazing Fiona Black and she too insists on the importance of being fully present as a first step.

So let’s explore this together—can we heal?

I believe so, and I’d like to share my personal approach to it. Healing, like any transformative process, requires a combination of steps that can help us move forward. Healing, in essence, is a journey of repair and renewal. It requires us to address not only the wounds but also the systems within us that perpetuate those wounds.

Stop and see the shit

Healing begins with stillness—a conscious pause that allows us to fully recognize our pain and its origins without rushing through the emotions. This pause is essential because it creates the space to truly feel, understand, and process what lies beneath the surface. In a world that encourages constant movement and productivity, taking a moment to sit with ourselves can be intimidating. We may feel vulnerable or even scared to face the emotions we’ve been avoiding, but this discomfort is often the key to growth. Psychologically, when we allow ourselves to truly observe our emotions, we open the door to healing. Dr. Gabor Maté emphasizes that this kind of self-reflection is vital for emotional regulation and healing from trauma. Avoiding it may seem easier in the short term, but ultimately it prevents us from confronting the deeper wounds that need healing.

This kind of awareness is not just about recognizing our emotions or thoughts in passing; it’s about actively engaging with them. Awareness, in this context, is the practice of being fully present, recognizing our internal states without judgment. In psychological terms, this is foundational to mindfulness, which allows individuals to approach their emotional and mental states with curiosity rather than criticism. Philosophically, awareness also connects us to a larger sense of purpose and identity, enabling us to reflect on who we are in relation to the world around us. It helps us to navigate life with more intention, rather than reacting from a place of automatic habit. Neuroscientific research also shows that awareness is linked to the brain’s ability to process information from both external and internal sources, creating a coherent sense of self that allows us to engage with the world in meaningful ways.

What’s crucial is that awareness thrives in stillness. It is in these moments of quiet where true clarity can emerge, where our emotional experiences can be integrated and understood. Without this space, we risk becoming distracted by the noise of daily life, making it harder to connect with our deeper truths. Pausing, breathing, and simply being present allows us to transform passive recognition of our emotions into active tools for healing and growth. By cultivating this stillness, we create the conditions for deeper self-compassion and understanding, which are essential for true transformation.

Facing the shit and feeling it

And then comes facing the shit… Shadow work if you prefer...

Because as Dr K. points out, in his metaphor of the water glass, "no amount of sugar will remove the piss", superficial actions (like adding sugar) can't truly resolve or mask deeper issues (the presence of "piss" in the water).

We so often attempt to soothe emotional pain or discomfort with temporary, external solutions—such as distractions, achievements, or even substances. It doesn’t work. Period

We need to face the shit, do the shadow work, we need to really feelour emotions. We try to avoid or suppress our feelings because they seem overwhelming or inconvenient. However, research in psychology suggests that suppressing emotions can lead to long-term negative effects, both mentally and physically. According to Dr. Gabor Maté, in his work on trauma and emotional health, ignoring or numbing painful emotions can create a cycle of emotional dysregulation, which often manifests in physical illness and burnout. By allowing ourselves to truly feel our emotions—whether they are sadness, anger, fear, or even joy—we give our bodies and minds the chance to process and release them. This process, known as emotional processing, helps us to heal and move forward, rather than staying stuck in a state of unresolved pain.

Research also highlights the benefits of emotional expression for mental health. A study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found that individuals who express their emotions in a healthy way tend to have better emotional regulation, fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression, and stronger resilience to stress. When we allow ourselves to sit with our emotions instead of pushing them away, we can learn from them. We can gain insight into our triggers, our needs, and our boundaries, leading to more emotional maturity and a deeper connection with ourselves. This openness to feeling, no matter how uncomfortable, is a vital step in the healing journey.

There is a profound magic in really feeling our feelings. As we remember that we are one with the Universe, a Divine being, a Shard of Light of the One Source.

Give yourself some grace

And so the next element is compassion, directed both inward and outward. We must learn to treat ourselves with kindness, acknowledging that our responses—whether emotional, mental, or physical—are valid. Often, we’re harsh with ourselves, believing we should "move on" or "get over it." However, healing happens when we embrace the parts of us that feel broken and hold them with love and patience. This compassion extends to others as well, recognizing shared humanity and the interconnectedness of our experiences.

Get moving!

Finally, healing involves action and integration. Awareness and compassion prepare us to take the steps necessary to rebuild. These steps can look different for each individual. It might mean seeking therapy to work through unresolved trauma, as research has shown that therapeutic modalities like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or trauma-focused therapies can significantly reduce symptoms of PTSD and promote emotional healing.

For others, adopting new habits—such as developing a mindfulness or meditation practice—can help regulate emotions and reduce stress over time.

Setting boundaries is another crucial step, as it enables us to protect our mental and emotional space, preventing further harm and creating the necessary conditions for recovery. In fact, studies have found that individuals who practice assertive boundary-setting tend to have higher self-esteem and improved interpersonal relationships.

Reframing how we view the past can also be a transformative action. This involves shifting our perspective on past events, not to deny their impact, but to find meaning or growth from them. Research suggests that reframing, or cognitive reframing, can help us reduce feelings of victimization and create empowerment in our healing process and belief in our ability to influence outcomes and shape our own path.

Actions like practicing self-compassion through journaling, exploring creative outlets such as art or music, or joining support groups where shared experiences lead to mutual understanding can all contribute to building resilience. Together, these steps can foster a deeper sense of healing.

The key is consistency and allowing ourselves time. Healing isn’t linear, nor does it have a defined endpoint; it’s a continuous process of growth, reflection, and renewal.

So, here’s my recipe: pause and observe, allow yourself to feel your emotions, nurture with kindness, and take meaningful steps forward. Healing may not erase the scars, but it can transform them into symbols of resilience and strength. Shall we begin?

I know I have.

Walk alongside me

In the coming weeks and months, I will gradually share the steps I’ve taken in my own life to heal from trauma. This process will be slow, as healing is often a gradual journey rather than a quick fix. Through this, I aim to provide insight into the methods and strategies that have worked for me, in hopes that they might be helpful to you as well. From personal reflection and self-compassion to more formal therapeutic techniques, I will explore different avenues of healing, emphasizing the importance of creating space for these changes in your life.

Additionally, I want to extend an invitation to those who feel that my experience or guidance could be of assistance. Whether you're struggling with similar issues or simply curious about how these steps might fit into your own life, I hope to offer support, either through personal reflection or by working together. Healing can feel isolating, but it doesn’t have to be a solitary process. If you find resonance with my journey, I welcome the chance to share, support, and walk alongside you in yours.

I believe that is all for today.

I would be so happy to hear from you.

Thank you in advance for your comment.

See you soon, for my next online adventures!

Until then I send you love, light and gratitude.

Isaya

PS: On a very practical way, I am focusing on my healing, so there is not much happening in my business world… I’ll be writing as usual, of course, and maybe creating some podcast episodes… but on the whole, I might be AFK (away from keyboard) for some time… I’ll keep you posted when something new happens! New projects are starting to brew!

I also do have less money coming in. One way to help and support me is to actually buy something from me!

You can find some of my Goddess Connected programs here:

https://isayabelle.com/the-magic-goddess-online-programs

or here: https://isayabelle.com/tech-goddess-academy-2

PPS: Please bear in mind that I am reclaiming my journey and that my solutions and my path are mine and mine only. They are not intended to be a guide or a list of advice, a handbook or manual or any kind, least of all medical. This is just me sharing my journey.