October 11

0 comments

Breaking Free and Killing the Good Girl, Again

By IsayaBelle

October 11, 2024

change, good girl, habits, lifestory

I’m still AFK as I’m in recovery from surgery. So yet again, I have written this article in advance… It’s a big one. Buckle up.


Here she comes again.

I seriously can’t believe she has risen from the ashes and has managed to come and invade my psyche again.

The Good Girl.

I have kicked her to the curb repeatedly. I have burnt her sorry ass and said bye bye to her multiple times in my life.

And yet.

Here she is again.

She needs more killing.

Because she WILL NOT rule my life anymore.

OK, let’s rewind a notch and go into some explanations.

What is a Good Girl?

Do we all have one?

The Good Girl is a pattern, an archetype (or a "wound" if you’d rather call it that) that so many of us have been fed with as little children. I believe there is also a Good Boy archetype, but my work is focused on women, so I’ll deal with the Good Girl for today.

I believe all women have a Good Girl, some are more vocal, toxic and powerful than others.

Now… The Good Girl constantly seeks external validation. She will do or say anything just to get that social approval. And she will push you to ignore your own instincts, even betray them. The Good Girl denies yourself, invites you to trust exterior advice rather than yourself, every time.

It's a common plight where the external noise becomes louder than the whispers from within. The constant need to please, conform, and be the 'Good Girl' according to societal standards, blurs our own inner compass. This Good Girl exterior becomes a shield, masking the true desires and authentic self, creating a disconnect from our core essence.

She invites you to not trust yourself. She is the Alpha people-pleaser.

So you become untrustworthy to yourself. Because you know, deep down, that you will betray yourself, each and every time. In this struggle, the ultimate betrayal occurs within. By prioritizing external validation, the self loses trust in its own judgment, disregarding the wisdom that comes from within. The more this trust is eroded, the more untrustworthy one becomes to themselves, fostering a cycle of doubt and self-distrust.

And then one looses confidence in their innate gut feelings, in themselves altogether. And denies themselves. Again, trusting external advice over our own intuition leads to self-betrayal. When we consistently deny our inner voices and intuition, we erode our self-trust. We send a message to ourselves that our instincts and feelings are unreliable, and we must defer to external authority. This betrayal of self can lead to feelings of emptiness, dissatisfaction, and a profound disconnect from our true desires.

Yes I know I’m repeating myself.

But I need to write it. Again and again.

I don’t know who will need to read it, but I’m certain somebody will. Because many of us find ourselves trapped in a pattern of denying our inner voices, silencing our intuition, and seeking external validation to the detriment of our true selves.

The main issue I’m having with the Good Girl these days are… let’s say, hidden from view. It’s been years since I’ve actually followed anybody’s advice blindly… my issue with my Good Girl is she still pops her ugly head around what I believe people think of me, my words or my actions.

Which means it is all in MY head!!

The urge to conform to societal expectations is lurking… and if I don’t conform… I feel guilt or shame.

Just by myself, I disconnect from my inner truth.

Want an example?

Well this morning, I needed to go shopping, I was just out of the shower and I felt like wearing "something nice".

The first things I "saw" in my cupboard which appealed to me were a pair of cream-colored cropped jeans and a short burgundy top that I intended to wear with an orange jacket.

Immediately I heard a voice in my head saying: well these don’t go with that top, the colors are clashing, that is "too much" (and again, these words, they are so heavy for me… you can read more about that here if you don’t know what I’m talking about:https://isayabelle.com/the-too-much-woman-chapters-1-and-2)

I do not wish to divulge whose voice it was in my head because it doesn’t matter.

It was the Good Girl in me.

She wants me to dim, to fit in, to conform.

Farck.

Enough is enough and she needs to die.

Finally.

So.

Been there, done that, got the frigging T-shirt.

And how, pray, dearest Isaya, do we begin healing this wound?

Rebuilding trust starts by acknowledging the value of one's own intuition and authenticity. Oh and if you have never heard me or read anything around my obsession of authenticity… here is a short recap…

Being authentic means staying true to who you are, your values, and your beliefs, regardless of outside pressures or expectations. It involves embracing both your strengths and weaknesses without pretending to be someone you're not. Being authentic means showing up AS YOU ARE, day in, day out, warts and all. You never have to tell your whole truth to the world, but to have meaningful connections, you have to ALWAYS tell ONLY the truth about yourself (best advice I ever got from Athena!)

Authenticity is important because it fosters genuine connections with others—when you're real, people respond to you in a more meaningful way. It also promotes personal growth, as it encourages self-reflection and the courage to evolve without losing sight of your core identity. Without authenticity, growth becomes superficial and unsustainable; true development requires a deep understanding and acceptance of the self. By being authentic, you create a solid foundation for resilience, fulfillment, and lasting success in life.

Now Killing the Good Girl and restoring self-trust involves nurturing the relationship with oneself, honoring inner guidance, and recognizing that external advice should complement rather than overshadow personal beliefs and instincts. It's a journey towards reclaiming one's truth and building a strong, trust-filled connection with oneself, allowing us to transform into an empowered, self-trusting individual.

I doesn’t mean "Ignore everybody else" though. It requires recognizing the complementary role of external guidance while prioritizing personal beliefs and instincts.

So if you’re like me and you want to stop betraying yourself every chance you get, stay tuned.

I’m sharing my journey as ever.

I intend to kill her by hiring her replacement. From now on, I will be my own guardian angel, my own backer and my sponsor, my own best friend.

Oh and I’m also firing the perfectionist who’s been sneaking back in too… She can go to hell as I do not intend to be perfect on this journey either. I’ll do my best. Which is obviously enough!

So...if you're finally ready to make your well-being a priority, put yourself first, invest in yourself … and back yourself up,

If you’re done with sacrifices and ready to set some boundaries,

If you’ve got the courage to dive deep into your limiting beliefs,

If you’ve decided you’re done with living in fear and want to abandon your self-destructive behaviors,

If you're finally ready to back yourself up,


Here are some steps to help you on your journey:

1. Listen to Your Inner Voice: Start by tuning in to your inner voice and intuition. Take time for introspection and self-reflection. What do you truly desire? What are your instincts telling you?

2. Trust Your Feelings: Your feelings are valid. Learn to trust your emotional responses to situations and people. If something doesn't feel right, acknowledge it, and explore the reasons behind your feelings.

3. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries in your relationships and commitments. It's essential to prioritize self-care and protect your well-being.

4. Practice Self-Validation: Begin validating your own feelings and decisions. You don't need external validation to know what's right for you. Trust that you are your best guide.

5. Embrace Self-Love: Cultivate self-love and self-compassion. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this transformative journey. Understand that you are worthy of love and respect, especially from yourself.

6. Seek Support: Connect with a therapist, counselor, or support group if you find it challenging to break free from the "Good Girl" pattern. They can provide guidance and tools for your journey… as in, moi maybe? Try one of my Wise Goddess Healing Sessions and we can unfold your stuff together!https://isayabelle.com/wise-goddess-healing-session

The path to self-trust and authenticity is a transformative journey that leads to greater fulfillment, happiness, and inner peace. It's about reclaiming your power, trusting your instincts, and rediscovering the wisdom that resides within you. Remember that you are worthy of self-love, self-trust, and a life aligned with your true desires.


As for me, I’m learning to trust my gut and break free from that cycle of self-denial. I feel I’m embarking on a journey of rediscovering my authentic self, a profound healing pilgrimage. This process feels challenging, as it requires unraveling layers of conditioning and societal expectations. However, the reward is a profound sense of liberation and self-trust that is beginning to settle in. This journey within is a sacred one, leading to a profound re-connection with my authentic self and a life that reflects my innermost desires and truths. 

I believe that is all for today.

I would be so happy to hear from you.

Thank you in advance for your comment.

See you soon, for my next online adventures!

Until then I send you love, light and gratitude.

Isaya


PS: Maybe you feel like you want to support me as I navigate the Cancer journey?

I am OK and grateful to receive any Reiki, Prayers, Light, Love, Hugs or any other healing modal sent with pure intentions and love.

As far as advice and "recipes" are concerned, please ask me before you download your knowledge, links or recommendations onto me. Overwhelm is always lurking…


On a very practical way, because I’m going to be focusing on my healing, I will have less money coming in…

One way to help and support me is to actually buy something from me!

You can find some of my Goddess Connected programs here:

https://isayabelle.com/the-magic-goddess-online-programs

or here: https://isayabelle.com/tech-goddess-academy-2


PPS: Please bear in mind that I am reclaiming my journey and that my solutions and my path are mine and mine only. They are not intended to be a guide or a list of advice, a handbook or manual or any kind, least of all medical. This is just me sharing my journey.


PPPS: Many of you have been asking for news and updates. This cancer path has been kicking my ass on so many levels, but the main one is the very vocal reminder that I have to be selfish and take care of myself first. I'm doing my best and will share as soon as possible!

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}

Join my Facebook group

Living a Goddess Life

>