A Little Manual for Letting Go of Everything, Except Maybe My Suspiciously Accurate Memory
My recovery is slow but steady. I’m healing, learning to let life unfold as it is today, not in some hypothetical future where everything is “just right.” And really, I’m okay with this—mostly. But there’s one small hiccup in my grand plan to breathe, let go, become a "new me" and move forward: my annoyingly accurate memory.
Letting go sounds noble and clever and we can all agree it is a great idea.., like the stuff of Zen monks or people who can Marie Kondo their way to inner peace. But for those of us blessed (or cursed) with this charming quirk of an efficient memory, the process isn’t quite so neat. Because when you remember everything—yes, everything, with the clarity of a high-definition replay, especially the things I’d rather forget—letting go takes on a new level of complexity.
The paradox is real: here I am, determined to let go, to forgive and forget, to release the old clutter in my head. But my mind? It holds on like a dog with a bone, refusing to let even the tiniest memory slip by. And so, I’m learning how to let go… mostly. Except maybe for that ridiculously efficient memory.
Still, there are ways to lighten the load without completely wiping the mental hard drive. Here’s how I’m choosing to let go of (almost) everything, one awkward memory at a time.
The Painful Loop: "Forgive, Forget, and Oh Wait, You Remember That Too"
Forgiveness sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Letting go, releasing grudges, moving on with life. Except there’s one tiny flaw in the system: every time I think I’ve forgiven and forgotten, my brain throws a wrench into the works and says, “Oh, but remember this?”
It’s a bit like boiling water. You think it’s cooled down, that it’s safe to handle—only to find out it’s still scalding hot because your mind has reheated the memory on a loop. One minute I’m minding my business, feeling all zen about things I’ve forgiven. The next, my brain decides, “Hey, let’s revisit that unpleasant conversation from three years ago. Just for fun.”
This memory efficiency is, frankly, both a blessing and a curse. It’s like having the world’s best-organized clutter drawer: everything’s in its place, but sometimes I trip over the emotional shoes stored in there. A little less precision, a few more foggy memories, might be nice, but instead, here we are.
"Letting Go"—The Practice That Never Stops
Letting go is like an endless game of mental limbo. Just when I think I’m bending low enough to clear the bar, it drops a little lower. Oh, you thought you’d let go of that old memory? Guess again.
Why is it so hard? Because, dear reader, the mind is annoyingly efficient—especially at hanging onto the stuff we’d rather forget. Enter negativity bias, the brain’s default setting to recall every awkward conversation, every tiny regret. It’s wired to remember the worst, like an overprotective parent clutching onto disaster scenarios.
Let’s go on a little tangent here and discuss negativity bias …
Negativity bias, the brain’s tendency to focus on negative events more intensely than positive ones, is an innate part of how we process information. This bias likely evolved as a survival mechanism; by giving priority to potential threats, our ancestors were better equipped to avoid danger. Research by psychologist John Cacioppo demonstrated that our brains show greater electrical activity in response to negative stimuli compared to positive ones, reflecting this heightened sensitivity.
Negativity bias doesn't just affect survival-oriented reactions. It influences everyday interactions and relationships. Studies show that negative experiences have a much stronger impact than positive ones, which explains why we might dwell on criticism or failures even if we receive plenty of praise. To maintain balanced, healthy relationships, experts suggest aiming for five positive interactions for every negative one, as this “magic ratio” can help counterbalance the brain’s inclination toward negativity.
This bias also shapes our responses to media, where negative news tends to grab more attention. This insight suggests that managing our exposure to negativity, both in relationships and in the media, might help us counter the effects of our brain’s natural tendency.
So, what to do to let go of these "bad" memories? Well, letting go is less a one-time event and more a daily practice (sometimes, an hourly one). Here are a few tips that make the process a little more bearable:
- Start Small: Don’t tackle your entire mental attic in one go. Maybe just toss that shirt you never wear or delete an old photo that stirs up resentment. Small victories count.
- Practice Mindfulness: Yes, we’re training our minds to release, and no, it probably won’t happen instantly. Start by observing thoughts without engaging with them—think of it as a “thank you, next” approach. It takes time, but eventually, your mind might just learn to let things float by without grabbing on.
Letting go might be a lifelong practice, but each small release gets us a little closer to peace… or at least, fewer flashbacks.
Decluttering Your Mind—And Maybe Your Closets Too
If you’ve ever tried decluttering your physical space, you know how liberating it can feel. But here’s the twist: physical clutter and mental clutter aren’t all that different. Both take up valuable space in your life, both require time and energy to manage, and both can hold on to memories or associations that no longer serve you. It turns out, our minds are just as susceptible to the weight of clutter as our closets.
Take it from me, I recently tackled my closet and applied a “one-year rule.” If I hadn't worn something in the last year (or maybe the last decade—who's counting?), it was out. Let’s just say, I had a lot of items that “no longer served me.” Why hold onto that pair of jeans that’s two sizes too small, right? So many of the clothes in my closet were just memories of a me that doesn’t exist any more, a younger, skinnier, fitter version of me who was willing to wear them on several occasions that my present self is not interested in any more… This past self is gone for good. So are her clothes today. And if she does make a come back at any point… I will buy her new clothes, for sure! (You might have noticed that some of the illustrations for this blogpost are from my closet declutter and makeover… Sooo proud of myself!)
Same goes for the mental clutter. The thoughts, fears, and grudges that I’ve been dragging around for years? Time to let them go. If a thought hasn’t helped me grow or move forward in the past year—or even decade—it’s probably time to release it.
But there’s a catch: sentimental items are tricky. You know the ones—those that scream memories you’d rather not relive AND the ones that remind you of times gone by, good times. For me, a few skirts from my salsa years (yes, there’s a lot of history there) had heaps of emotional baggage, both sad and happy. A skirt might seem innocent enough, but it’s a Pandora’s box of emotions that I don’t always feel like opening. The same goes for the mental souvenirs we keep around—like a past argument or a long-lost dream that no longer aligns with who we are today.
The more I cleared out my closet, the more I realized: letting go of things is the same as clearing the clutter in my mind. It’s all about releasing what no longer serves me to make room for the new—whether that’s a clearer head-space or a fresh wardrobe.
Rewiring My Brain for Simplicity
Here’s a truth bomb: multitasking isn’t the productivity hack it’s cracked up to be. In fact, it’s like asking your brain to run a marathon on a diet of caffeine and chaos. We think we’re being efficient, but all we’re really doing is overstimulating our minds until they hit burnout. Multitasking increases brain fatigue and decreases cognitive performance, leaving us more exhausted than when we started (because surprise, our brains aren’t designed to handle five tasks at once).
The problem is, we’ve trained our brains to crave constant stimulation. Scrolling through Instagram while watching a movie? Check. Listening to music while reading a book? You bet. But it’s like training a dog to run marathons: the brain wasn’t made for this level of overstimulation. It thrives on simplicity—simple pleasures like a good conversation, a quiet walk, or even just doing nothing. But, thanks to the digital age, we’ve conditioned ourselves to be always “on.” And this is a problem.
Here’s a radical idea: try just one thing at a time. Watch a movie without checking your phone. It’s a game-changer, I promise. Yes, it may feel a little weird at first—almost like your brain is itching for a distraction. But over time, you’ll notice something incredible: you might actually start enjoying those moments of silence and stillness again. Your brain will recalibrate and, instead of a constant craving for noise, you may find it has room for peace.
The real side effect? You’ll start to love silence. No, really. It’s like discovering an old friend who was always there but you just hadn’t made time to notice. Your brain will thank you for it.We need to stop training our brains to be stimulation junkies.And remember that resting is a radical act of self-love in a world that glorifies exhaustion as an achievement…
Visualization and Rituals—Making Your Mind Do the Dirty Work
Sometimes, your brain needs a little help moving on. That’s where visualization comes in. Imagine that painful memory as a balloon, floating above you, just waiting for you to let go of the string. You can even give it a little wave goodbye as it floats away. It sounds simple, but it works. Visualization allows you to separate yourself from the memory, creating a physical and emotional distance. Your brain, believing you’ve “let it go,” can start to release its grip on it.
But if your mind is stubborn (which, let’s face it, it usually is), rituals can be a powerful tool. They don’t need to be elaborate—just something to create symbolic closure. Light a candle, say a little prayer, or even write the memory down on a piece of paper and shred it or burn it. The key is that the ritual helps your brain believe it’s time to move on, even when the emotions are still hanging around. In a way, you’re tricking your pig-headed mind into thinking it has completed the task of letting go.
Research suggests that rituals have a powerful effect on our psychological well-being. They help us mark transitions and create a sense of control and finality, particularly when we’re dealing with unresolved emotions (Tocci, 2022). Rituals, however simple, signal to the brain that it’s time to close the chapter and move forward. Think of them as small but potent psychological tools to help your mind get the memo that it’s time to release.
So, next time you’re holding on to something, remember: sometimes it’s not just about trying to let go—it’s about helping your mind do the dirty work by creating rituals and visualizing release.
Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself—Perfection Isn’t the Goal
Let’s get real: letting go isn’t a one-time event, and if you expect your brain to just give up on something it’s clung to for years, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Think of it like trying to teach an old dog new tricks—it’ll take time, patience, and a lot of repetition. Or of the trees letting go of their leaves: they have to repeat it every year! When that annoying memory floats back in (and it will), don’t panic. It’s part of the process. You’re not failing; you’re just practising.
Perfection isn’t the goal here. Embrace the messiness of the journey. The trick isn’t to eradicate every bad thought, but to replace it with something better. Like a stubbornly persistent bad memory? Just swap it out with something delightfully random—a new Netflix series you’re obsessed with, or maybe a hilarious video that’s bound to make you smile. Seriously, that stuff works. Your brain has a limited capacity for negativity (lucky for us!), so filling it with positive, engaging content can crowd out the space for those pesky memories.
Research on self-compassion supports the idea that we often hold ourselves to impossible standards, especially when it comes to personal growth (Neff, 2021). Allowing yourself room to be imperfect, to stumble, and to start again without guilt is key to emotional resilience. Rather than punishing yourself for not letting go “perfectly,” practice kindness and patience. Like any other skill, letting go is a process—and you’ll get better at it with time.
So, next time you feel the pressure to be perfectly at peace with every memory or emotional mess, remember: let go with grace, and don’t forget to fill the gaps with something that brings you joy. Whether it's a funny video or a quiet moment of reflection, little moments of joy will slowly help you shift your mind’s focus—and eventually, your brain will follow suit.
Letting go is not a one-and-done deal. It’s messy, it’s slow, and there will be moments where it feels like your brain has hit pause on progress. But here’s the thing: it’s worth it. Each small step you take—whether it’s replacing a bad memory with a fun video or embracing the absurdity of your mind—is progress. The mind is incredibly efficient, but it’s also relentless, and sometimes, you need to tell it, "Not today, brain. Not today."
While your memory is great at holding onto every detail—especially the painful stuff—don’t feel guilty for pressing the brakes on all of it. It’s okay to step away from the painful recollections that don't serve you. As we've seen, the process of letting go is anything but linear, and it takes practice. So, instead of stressing over every hiccup, remember this: practice, but don’t perfectionize. Let go of the pressure and the guilt, because those don't belong in your emotional suitcase.
Finally, embrace the absurdity of it all. Your mind is like a cluttered desk that you’re slowly organizing—it's going to get a little chaotic along the way, but it’s okay to laugh about it. You’re doing great, and the fact that you’re still trying to let go means you’re already on the right path. And of course, when I write "you," I mean "I," since we all know by now that these articles are as much about my own journey as they are about anyone else's. Let’s keep going—and remember, it’s not about perfection. It’s about progress. And a little humor helps too.
I believe that is all for today.
I would be so happy to hear from you.
Thank you in advance for your comment.
See you soon, for my next online adventures!
Until then I send you love, light and gratitude.
Isaya
PS: Wondering how to support me as I navigate this wild rollercoaster called the cancer recovery journey?
I’m here for all the Reiki, Prayers, Light, Love, Hugs, and any other healing vibes you feel inspired to send my way—as long as they’re wrapped in pure intentions and love. ❤️
When it comes to advice and "miracle" recipes, though, please ask me before downloading your vast stores of knowledge. The overwhelm monster is always just around the corner…
On the practical side, since healing is a full-time job (with no paychecks, unfortunately!), my income has been taking a little dip.
If you'd like to lend a hand, one of the best ways to support me is by treating yourself to one of my programs! You’ll find my Goddess Connected courses here:
and the Tech Goddess Academy here:
https://isayabelle.com/tech-goddess-academy-2](https://isayabelle.com/tech-goddess-academy-2
PPS: Just a reminder that this is my personal journey, and I’m reclaiming every part of it! My solutions and path are entirely my own—they’re not meant to be advice, a handbook, or a how-to guide (especially not medical!). This is simply me, sharing my story.
PPPS: Many of you have been asking for updates, and let me tell you, this path has been kicking my butt in every way possible. But the biggest lesson? A very loud reminder to be "selfishly" focused on myself. I’m doing my best, and I’ll share more as soon as I can!
