So … Haven’t written here for a very long time …But here we go again … No pressure, I can’t guarantee I’m going to be writing once week … I give myself no more tracks or rules to follow.
There are no guidelines anymore after you’ve lost everything, all the landmarks you thought were irrevocable … So this is not a blog anymore … It is a trip, a voyage into the unknown …
If you want to follow my self discovery … and hopefully bear witness to my healing and hopefully see the chrysalis become a butterfly … You are most welcome …
One thing I can tell you about the ride … We’re gonna have music!
For those who don’t know, I’ve just been to Ireland and loved it (more about that soon!) … So the music to start with is Irish … I’m loving it !
I’m following a great program by Julie Creffield, called 100 ways to stop dieting and start living… We are working around #RadicalSelfLove … That is what came out today … Various light bulb moments have occurred …
- I suddenly decided to write a blog post (after almost 8 months of not feeling it at all anymore …).I think I can have my blog and its few readers being accountable for me ! That will also provide a journal of my journey !
- I’m not sure I’m going to be able to do the journaling work in English … My maternal language is French and I think some of the issues I will be tacking are still childhood ones … Have been doing a lot of work about body issues/weight before but always in English … I might have to try and do some in French too, in order to reach deeper layers of my unconscious beliefs….
- …. Love is a verb … a doing word. F* … That struck me …Because I have been preaching self-love and even practicing it … on an emotional/feeling attitude … But this idea that it is all about the actions … made me cry. And I will start implementing!
- How easy do I find to act towards myself from a position of love ? NOT EASY AT ALL … Basically I don’t. I always go a and ask for approval when practicing self-love … To put myself first, i.e. to act selfishly, is freeking difficult… And calls from approval from my mum, my kids, my friends, my husband … STOP !
- Biggest realization: I’ve been overweight since I had mono when I was 9 yo. Just today I thought about looking in Louise Hays’ books about mono … It relates to “Anger at not receiving love and appreciation… No longer wanting to care for the self” … Seriously ?? OMG … So when I was a child, for some reason I felt unloved or unappreciated and “created” mono then became overweight .. and stayed that way, a “nice” protection against more love or appreciation …
F* … I’m 51 yo today.
Enough of that.
Enough.
NOW I CHANGE.
I can’t give the power to someone else anymore … I have to give myself that love. I do feel that if I was smaller it might be easier to be loved, by myself and others … but I also know I am a wonderful catch EXACTLY AS I AM…
I am light.
Indie Aria says it all.
So I’ll see you lovely people.
In the meantime, I’m sending, as always, love, light and gratitude
Isaya
Welcome back to the blogosphere, dear Isaya. Keep up your spirits. You are loved!