Confinement

So, from our house we cannot leave. The kids have not gone to school, I have not gone to school and we have been mostly staying inside… watching the beautiful but freezing nature around us.

This inspires a very particular state of mind… that of a parenthesis in life… nothing in particular to do, nowhere to go, no compulsory work, like a pause.
I feel like a paused movie: everything is waiting, very still… frozen, in a void …

Thus there is room for dreaming, planning and creating new scenarios for life, for later, for when it starts again, when the turmoil of “real” life is in action again… like I am “forced” to think, to consider choices, ideas, the future…

So very “in the season” of me… with Imbolc just around the corner, to muse about new beginnings… I feel like a seed, buried deep in frozen earth, waiting for the spring, waiting for the sun and the heat and LIFE to start flowing again.

In these paused and frozen days, I can’t even really put myself to active planning…like a seed I seem to be just “hibernating”.
Which is both very comfortable and absolutely unbearable.
At the same time I enjoy the void and I can’t stand it.

So I come to think about the idea of enjoying and REALLY “living the moment”, “living the present”…Not that simple when you actually have to.

How can I BE here and now without even the remote possibility to dream of being elsewhere and “elsetime”…

The conscience of the seed is grand, its courage and patience endless… I shall be taught once again by nature and listen, in the dark deep night, in the freezing cold of winter, listen CLOSELY to hear life and energy flowing around me in the bottomless, profound and mysterious earth, because life is in the nature of things.

At this point of almost mystical philosophy, my 10 year old boy came to me and said:
“Mum can we have a cuddle?”